Welcome to my beautiful crazy life.
Three gorgeous daughters and a stubborn husband.
Follow my journey and experience life with me
Where to start . . .
Wife. Mommy of 3. Follower of Christ. Dancer. Reader of cheesy romance novels. Chaos Coordinator. Made for more. . .
I have decided to start a blog as a way to express myself, share crazy life experiences, give myself an escape and to maybe inspire somebody.
Who I was then, who I am now, who I aspire to be. . . .
"Whooo is that girl I see.." the lyrics of "Reflection" from Disneys mulan comes to mind and brings out a little chuckle. I need to get a life. Remember my old life? Or just learn to embrace the life I'm currently living.. I used to roll my eyes when my mom would talk about her "BC days" (before children) and how she couldn't even remember life before us. I GET IT NOW. my husband and I met and started dating our freshman year of high school, and were together for 7 years before getting married... we have now been married for 9 years, with a running total of 16years and counting of bliss (more about that later) anywayyyy... we lived for 4 married years before our first was born, and most days I wonder if it was all a dream! Who was this person before becoming "momma?" Well, I was PATIENT (hahaha), soft spoken (again, HA) and actually showered daily AND wore makeup! What a luxury these days.. most importantly, I did NOT know the meaning of the word "tired." More on THAT later. I could dance for hours on end, had the freedom to come and go as I pleased, sleep in on the weekend... but I digress. Who was this person before becoming a wife and mother? Well, I was shy, lacked confidence in pretty much EVERYTHING I did (something I strive to ensure never happens to my girls), and was super dependent on others to make me happy. Specifically, my first love, my now husband. In fact, as much as I dont like to admit it, much of college was the same. It was like I didn't have my own identity, and worried so much about what others thought of me, and constantly clinged to him I had some reasons for this, which I will save for another blog 😘. But ultimately, I spent too much of my teenage years and young adult life worrying. That was kind of what I was known for as a kid too...the worrier. Yay! Anxious thoughts and insecurities...if only I knew then what I know now! But I have grown...and aging like a fine wine if I do say so myself! Haha. It has taken a longggg time, but motherhood has molded me into a pretty strong person (though I still have LOTS of shortcomings).
No one can prepare you for the complete and utter mental, physical and emotional exhaustion that is motherhood. Let me repeat: NO ONE CAN PREPARE YOU. NO. ONE. the flip side to this is that no one can prepare you for the EXPLOSION of love that occurs the second a tiny human comes into your world. Love.joy.terror.tears.strength.fear. FEARFEARFEARFEAR. Fear of failure, fear of your sweet babies getting sick, fear of being one of "those" moms who leaves her kid in the supermarket or car. <disclaimer: I have never done that! (Yet?!)
Birth Story #1 . . .
I love being pregnant. Love feeling the movements of my sweet one inside my belly, love watching them grow. But looking back, my 1st pregnancy was NOT EASY. No walk in the park, although i did a lot of walking near the end... swollen feet, swollen FACE (oh how lucky I am to have all those baby shower pics to remind me🙄..ladies, dont let people talk you into waiting until it's close to your due date. Have that shower earlier on so you can look and feel great!) severe sciatica pain and... KIDNEY STONES..oh, and did I mention our 1st little angel was SIX DAYS LATE. Note: I wish I had known more about natural birth/midwifery/due MONTHS as opposed to due DATES. More on this in another blog. Would have made for a much happier time near the end I think. Went to hospital with contractions, told me to go home OR walk a little to get to 3cm and be admitted
I was determined to not leave that hospital without a baby! So walk I did
Got to 3cm and was admitted! Hurray! Hours later.. pitocin..again, wish I had known more! Water broke soon after.....
Yep. Just like this^^^ quickly progressed to 10cm , hurray again! This baby will be coming in no time at all! Ouch! First REAL post water breaking contraction..
.GIVE ME THAT EPIDURAL.NOW. please dont let me slap my husband please dont let me slap my husband he knows not what he says... welllll 30 hours later... reality set in that this baby was not going to fit. WHAT? Exhaustion and pain, I agreed to the c section
Cant wait to hold this baby! Things are going great, out comes baby and hear the dr "you gave birth to.a toddler!!" WAIT WHAT. HOW BIG IS THIS CHILD
. and "ok dad, tell us if it's a girl or boy..."its aaaaaa... Ava Grace!" A girl!! Months of people saying it was definitely a boy...and a girl! All my dreams coming true. Ok mom, gonna feel some pressure... ok, yes I do. Ok I feel a lot of pressure...ok I feel A LOT OF PRESSURE
"Help it hurts it hurts!" And then, out I go. Yep. That's right folks, the anesthesia wore off so I could feel them puttin' my insides back INSIDE. NOPENOPENOPE. When I awoke in recovery, everything was a blur. (No literally, my vision was blurry) I was so groggy and SHAKING LIKE CRAZY and all I could do was cry and say"i cant see her I cant see her" my poor mother thought I had gone blind... no one warns you of the emotional trauma that ensues after something like that (not that it would help anyway). I was supposed to be able to give birth and after all the pain and all the work, be able to immediately hold and feed my baby. But that just wasnt in the cards for me. With any of my children, actually. I was only able to touch my 2nd, and even that was just a quick cheek to cheek moment, with someone else holding her to my face. I cherish those seconds and never forget what that felt like. A power outage, a 24hr stint in the NICU with a heart scare... my eyes were so puffy and swollen from crying that I was unrecognizable. But after the craziness settled, I was able to snuggle and kiss and nurse (yay! Something I could actually do right!) Time for life to begin and everything to be perfect!
And then, 11 days later, I lost my dad.
Birth Story #2 . . .
On on to the next one